You'll just have Heaven before we do

Today is a bittersweet day. It's the day our 3rd baby was due- the sweet baby that had the privilege of carrying for almost 10 weeks. March 8th will always be a day of "what if's" for me, just curiosity about this child I will never know this side of Heaven. Was it a boy or a girl? Would they have looked like Layla and Kylie? What kind of personality would he/she have had? Why did we lose him/her? All questions I'm looking forward to asking Jesus one day.

Today is a sad day for me, but it's also a sweet reminder of what God taught me through the process of losing my baby. As I'm writing at my table, my girls are coloring beside me and Layla is singing, "Oh no! You never let go. Through the calm and through the storm. Oh no! You never let go. Every high and every low. Oh no! You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me!" Had it not been for the painful loss of life, I might not have been able to ever experience exactly how the Lord never lets go. I might not have heard the Lord remind me that He knows the plans He has for us (Jer. 29:11) and that this was not a surprise to Him. He taught me that His promises are true- in the good times and bad! And most importantly, He taught me that His grace is enough!! It's enough to get us through seemingly impossible situations. If we have accepted His free gift of grace and salvation through Jesus Christ (Rom. 3:22-26), then His grace is all we need! If we lost every single thing that is precious to us on this earth, His grace would be enough to sustain us. Remember Job?? I'm not there yet, but God is teaching me that I can trust Him because He is all I need and He is my very great reward (Gen 15:1)!!

Today is also a day that I can celebrate what a blessing my children are! Since my miscarriage, I have learned that nothing is certain and to not take one minute with them for granted. I'm able to thank God for my strong-willed firstborn, as she's testing me to my limit and making me want to pull my hair out. I can thank Him even in the midst of my 2 year old decorating my room in toilet paper (I considered it a blessing that it wasn't poop! :) ). And I praise my Jesus every time I feel my sweet baby wiggling in my tummy. They are such a gift and I'm so grateful that He has opened my eyes to see that life is so fragile and that my time with them is short!

Please take some time today to pray for the families that you know that have suffered the loss of a baby. I couldn't have imagined the heartache that we experience during a miscarriage before going through it myself. There is definitely a place in my heart that will hurt until I get to Heaven.

"We miss you everyday 
Miss you in every way 
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you 
We will hold you 
You’ll kiss our tears away 
When we’re home to stay 
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you 
We will see you 
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you… 
You’ll just have heaven before we do."

"Glory Baby" by Watermark